A fragment from the opera I never finished: "The One Penny Opera"
Opening scene:
The forest, little animals skip about in the twilight as Soprano 1 enters, stage left, and begins commenting on such a beautiful, yet melancholy night it is. Soprano 2 enters stage right this time and says yup; it's pretty melancholy, yet strangely beautiful all the same. Tenor then enters and asks directions to the haunted castle, where due to the family curse, he must spend the next three nights in, or go completely stark, raving bonkers and die. The two sopranos then enter a duet about general road conditions in the kingdom, and complain that taxes just don't get spent properly. Tenor then sings a solo about how he has a brother-in-law in local government whom he leant his toolbox to, and has yet to see hide or hair of his 3/4-inch grip pliers to this very day. The Altos pop out of nowhere (center stage behind the tree) and chorus about getting on with the visit to the haunted castle; after all he doesn't want to end up like his (rather dead) Uncle Shipley, the one with the vest and frog problems. Tenor then moves his butt to
Scene two
The haunted castle. Boy, is it ominous, so ominous in fact that Tenor sings intense solo on how big and gray and frightening the castle is, and how his leotard (so useful for treks through the forest, don't you think?) is now rather in danger of being soiled. From the postern gate the Ghost of Uncle Shipley leaps down to center stage just in front of Tenor. The Ghost then announces he's been chosen to guide the Tenor (now singing softly that that's it for his leotard) through his stay at the castle, and watch that drawbridge; it hasn't been the same since a German fellow came through and placed a very annoyed dragon on it. Apparently it had something to do with an over priced ring caught in a spin cycle-it took hours to find it. Alto chorus once again sings for them to get on with the story, and Uncle Shipley then responds to mind their own business and all right all right and so on... for no reason other than we really like the idea and it'll confuse the living daylights out of the audience, a troop of delicate ballet dancers come pirouetting on stage dressed as various gardening implements. Uncle Shipley and Tenor now enter the postern gate and into the dreadfully ominous castles courtyard, which for some reason appears enshrouded in fog, or at least the flat part is. They are joined by Sopranos One and Two, who apparently snuck in while the gardening implements were doing their spins. The Sopranos then sing a haunting duet about the fact that, like most sopranos in these things, they know of an enchanted princess in the basement, er, dungeon who will be magically wakened by the kiss of a Tenor with a soiled leotard (eeeew!). The Tenor now sings a quick question that can he please avoid the soiled leotard part and take an operatic shower, a downpour immediately starts, ending his immediate discomfort and commencing a new problem in that it's difficult to sing in a raging thunderstorm, but he tries anyway. Lets bring the curtain down now to keep the poor sod from getting pneumonia.
Intermission-get some popcorn with your champagne...
Scene three
After a long introduction from the orchestra, and I mean really, really interminably long, lights come up (pink wash? Oh What The Hell) revealing the interior of Ominous Castle-and the Set Designer's been reading Stephan King and deSade again, obviously. This is the kind of place where Freddie Kruger gets that creepy-crawly feeling. Enter Tenor, and Uncle Shipley-dialogue follows:
T: So I'm supposed to sleep here tonight? What are my options? Was it so bad going bonkers?
US: I carried a frog in my pocket for 52 years, and I never ever took my vest off.
T: I see, which pocket? It doesn't sound so bad.
US: The inside one.
T: Inside pocket? On the vest?
US: Nope. Guess again...
The Ghost of Uncle Shipley does a pantomime to Stage Left whilst the Tenor figures a nice comfy spot to lie down and have the snooze. Enter the wretched Sopranos again, this time singing that famous aria "Whoops, we forgot to Tell You Something."
The forest, little animals skip about in the twilight as Soprano 1 enters, stage left, and begins commenting on such a beautiful, yet melancholy night it is. Soprano 2 enters stage right this time and says yup; it's pretty melancholy, yet strangely beautiful all the same. Tenor then enters and asks directions to the haunted castle, where due to the family curse, he must spend the next three nights in, or go completely stark, raving bonkers and die. The two sopranos then enter a duet about general road conditions in the kingdom, and complain that taxes just don't get spent properly. Tenor then sings a solo about how he has a brother-in-law in local government whom he leant his toolbox to, and has yet to see hide or hair of his 3/4-inch grip pliers to this very day. The Altos pop out of nowhere (center stage behind the tree) and chorus about getting on with the visit to the haunted castle; after all he doesn't want to end up like his (rather dead) Uncle Shipley, the one with the vest and frog problems. Tenor then moves his butt to
Scene two
The haunted castle. Boy, is it ominous, so ominous in fact that Tenor sings intense solo on how big and gray and frightening the castle is, and how his leotard (so useful for treks through the forest, don't you think?) is now rather in danger of being soiled. From the postern gate the Ghost of Uncle Shipley leaps down to center stage just in front of Tenor. The Ghost then announces he's been chosen to guide the Tenor (now singing softly that that's it for his leotard) through his stay at the castle, and watch that drawbridge; it hasn't been the same since a German fellow came through and placed a very annoyed dragon on it. Apparently it had something to do with an over priced ring caught in a spin cycle-it took hours to find it. Alto chorus once again sings for them to get on with the story, and Uncle Shipley then responds to mind their own business and all right all right and so on... for no reason other than we really like the idea and it'll confuse the living daylights out of the audience, a troop of delicate ballet dancers come pirouetting on stage dressed as various gardening implements. Uncle Shipley and Tenor now enter the postern gate and into the dreadfully ominous castles courtyard, which for some reason appears enshrouded in fog, or at least the flat part is. They are joined by Sopranos One and Two, who apparently snuck in while the gardening implements were doing their spins. The Sopranos then sing a haunting duet about the fact that, like most sopranos in these things, they know of an enchanted princess in the basement, er, dungeon who will be magically wakened by the kiss of a Tenor with a soiled leotard (eeeew!). The Tenor now sings a quick question that can he please avoid the soiled leotard part and take an operatic shower, a downpour immediately starts, ending his immediate discomfort and commencing a new problem in that it's difficult to sing in a raging thunderstorm, but he tries anyway. Lets bring the curtain down now to keep the poor sod from getting pneumonia.
Intermission-get some popcorn with your champagne...
Scene three
After a long introduction from the orchestra, and I mean really, really interminably long, lights come up (pink wash? Oh What The Hell) revealing the interior of Ominous Castle-and the Set Designer's been reading Stephan King and deSade again, obviously. This is the kind of place where Freddie Kruger gets that creepy-crawly feeling. Enter Tenor, and Uncle Shipley-dialogue follows:
T: So I'm supposed to sleep here tonight? What are my options? Was it so bad going bonkers?
US: I carried a frog in my pocket for 52 years, and I never ever took my vest off.
T: I see, which pocket? It doesn't sound so bad.
US: The inside one.
T: Inside pocket? On the vest?
US: Nope. Guess again...
The Ghost of Uncle Shipley does a pantomime to Stage Left whilst the Tenor figures a nice comfy spot to lie down and have the snooze. Enter the wretched Sopranos again, this time singing that famous aria "Whoops, we forgot to Tell You Something."
posted by Buccaneer | 20:53
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home